Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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