Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
