peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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