how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
