I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My pussy is not your playground.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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