so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's blow job season.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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