I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
