mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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