I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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