My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
