what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
