please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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