he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
