3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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