You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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