she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
