You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
