from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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