Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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