Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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