Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
