this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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