Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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