Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
