Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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