I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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