I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
