i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
