my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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