"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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