seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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