I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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