im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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