You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
