I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
