i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
