you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
