apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
