you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
