In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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