btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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