I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
