Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
