I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
