He is an equal opportunity slut.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
