Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
