tonight lets celebrate not being married
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
