You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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