Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
