It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
