Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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