***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
