I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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