Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
