last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
