Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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