so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
