In the future we'll all be gay
Plan B is the new Plan A
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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