he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
