Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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