I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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