Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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