I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
