The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize