so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
