Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
