I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
