pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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