his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
