Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
