Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
