just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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